Dear OSU,

We get it. She turned you down, so she must be a whore, right? 

It couldn't have been the fact that you took your ACTs in crayon, the drool stains made your "V"s look like "M"s, and the moderator docked you three points for distracting everyone else with your mouth breathing, could it?

Get your shit together. Ann Arbor is a saint, and you have no right to drag her name through the mud just because she wasn't impressed by your ability to send an application packet all by yourself (we could see your grubby cheeto dust fingerprints on the edges, btw). 

- Michigan