Dear Mr. Shirvell,

As proud sons of Michigan and Wolverine Alumni, the shame you are bringing on everything we love is making us ill. You appear to have broken the handle off when you slammed the closet door, and that is unfortunate. Until you get it open, please keep your psychopathic ramblings to yourself, and leave our fabulous friends alone. 

Jesus had two dads, and he never once condoned blogging. If you need something to do with your free time, we suggest getting into Dexter. It's fantastic. 

As for the radical homosexual agenda, we're pretty sure it goes something like this:

1. Obtain equality as human beings and U.S. citizens.

2. Mow the lawn.

Sincerely,

The Ann Arbor T-shirt Company